Sexual desire is such a personal, individualized concept that, for the most part, people can often be left to wonder if their preferences and fantasies lie within the spectrum of what’s considered “normal.” The simple fact is, with so much variety and diversity within the world of fantasy, fetish, desire, and sexuality, there really is no such thing as a baseline normal. As long as there is mutual satisfaction and consent between your partner and yourself, the ideas and notions that rev your engine really don’t matter one way or the other.
As far as distinguishing between a fantasy and a fetish, it often comes down to whether or not something has to be present for you to be able to feel sexual satisfaction or achieve orgasm. A fantasy, for example, may be something that comes and goes, or something that you spend a great deal of time thinking about during masturbation or sex. It may be something that you’d like to actually try in person someday, or something that you have absolutely no intention of ever coming to fruition – but it isn’t a necessity in order for you to feel sexually excited or fulfilled.
In other words, while many men fantasize about two women together, and it’s not uncommon for a woman to have a bondage fantasy, someone with a foot fetish will require some kind of foot or shoe visualization or contact in order to actually achieve orgasm or sexual fulfillment. And while the idea of fantasy and role-play has become part of our mainstream sexual consciousness, for some reason certain people still hesitate to indulge in the world of fetish.
But there are ways for even new or novice couples to incorporate a partner’s fetish or fantasy play into their sexual repertoire, heightening the experience for both people and even bringing a new and heightened sense of arousal to their relationship.
Foot Fetish
The feet are easily the most fetishized (non-genital) body part. The reasons for the popularity of the foot fetish are varied and widely speculated about. According to some research, it stems from a submissive act of humility, whereas others believe it’s more based on science and the mapping of the brain–where the genitalia and the feet happen to reside alongside each other.
Make it Happen: The easiest way to incorporate a foot fetish into your sexual routine is with foreplay, where you can offer to give your partner a pedicure or sensual foot massage.
Breasts and Butts
It doesn’t take a fetish to appreciate a great pair of breasts or an amazing derriere. Evolutionarily speaking, men are actually wired to focus on these areas as a sign of fertility and a way to pass on healthy genes. Turns out Sir-Mix-a-Lot knew what he was talking about, after all. Whether you’re into compact bums, thick booties, buxom bosoms, or small chests, those with these specific fantasies or fetishes might find it difficult to get in the mood or climax without their favorite body part within reach or direct view.
Make it Happen: Because most people can understand an appreciation for a nice ass or a great pair of breasts (and most women will actually take it as a compliment if you’re enthralled by their shape) this particular fetish is easily integrated into your sex life by simply suggesting positions that allow you access to your favorite parts. Cowgirl, for example, puts a bouncing chest front and center, while doggy style allows easy access to a nice round behind and (provided she’s ok with it) allows you to give the booty a hearty smack in the midst of the action.
Bondage
Often, people utilize fantasy and fetish to seek out the things that they don’t have or can’t be in their real life. That means that those who tend to be in control, dominating types in reality will often turn to sexual fantasies of bondage and submission, where they get to turn over control to someone else. Luckily for those with this particular inclination, recent books and movies have brought this particular fetish into the popular consciousness more than ever before.
Make it Happen: If you’re introducing your bondage or submission fantasy to a new partner for the first time, avoid going straight for the hardcore gear or scenes. Starting with familiar objects like a necktie, scarf, or even a fun bondage set that you buy together makes the entire experience less threatening.
Role-Playing
Having one sexual partner for a long period of time doesn’t mean that your sex life needs to become boring, not every sexual experience has to be the same. If you want to spice things up in the bedroom, role-playing is perfect for that! This fetish will allow you to explore different personas, power dynamics, and fantasies while in your own, safe environment. Whether it’s pretending to be strangers meeting for the first time, a boss and employee, or even characters from a favorite TV show or movie, role-playing can add an exciting dimension to the bedroom.
Make it Happen: Start by discussing your role-playing fantasies with your partner to make sure both of you are comfortable with it. You can choose a scenario that excites both of you together and establish boundaries and safe words if needed. Costumes and props can enhance the experience, but you can absolutely do without them. The most important elements are enthusiasm and creativity. Begin with simple scenarios and gradually explore more complex fantasies as your comfort level grows.
Voyeurism
Voyeurism is when you gain sexual pleasure from watching others engage in intimate or sexual activities. This fetish can range from enjoying erotic videos to watching your partner undress or masturbate. The thrill often comes from the element of secrecy or observing something that is considered private, which can enhance the arousal.
Make it Happen: You can incorporate voyeurism into your sex life by setting up scenarios where one partner watches the other. This can start with very simple scenarios like taking turns undressing or masturbating in front of each other, or if you both feel comfortable with it, you can take it up a notch and create a scenario in which you are pretending to catch your partner in the act. For those comfortable with technology, recording your intimate moments and then watching them together later is also considered voyeurism and can add a thrill to your sex life.
Each fetish offers unique ways to enhance your sexual experiences. Start exploring, and get to know yourself and your partner better. By embracing and sharing your fantasies, you can create a fulfilling and adventurous sexual relationship!
