In today’s world–where we have fast food around every corner and instant access to almost any piece of information we can think to ask for–people tend to rush everything. It seems like we’re always in a hurry. This impatient, instant-gratification mindset is often carried into modern relationships, and especially into sex. However, it is necessary to remember the benefits of having patience during sex instead of rushing to penetration. With slow sex, you become fully immersed. You have time to use all of your senses to enhance the experience, to feel every touch and movement more intensely.
Many couples miss out on an incredible opportunity to get to know each other because they are too eager to rush things in bed. A few simple kisses are rarely enough to feed a burning desire; a few fleeting caresses don’t achieve the goal either.
Slowing down can bring benefits like emotional and physical closeness. If the goal is to enjoy the experience to the fullest, then it makes sense to have sex slowly, at a rhythmic pace, without rushing to reach the goal. To rush things is to miss out on an incredible journey of deep intimacy.
Physical intimacy can be enhanced with emotional intimacy for those who are willing to slow down. Do you want to truly indulge in the connections that form while touching each other, while making eye contact, while taking small steps that inch toward the ultimate climax? Practicing patient intercourse heightens sensuality, physicality, and pleasure.
Another term for this practice is slow sex.
What Is the Point of Slow Sex?
Slow sex focuses on emotional intimacy over physical performance. This, of course, requires patience. You must take time to learn the secret desires of your partner, to appreciate the nuances of their body, to play with their senses, to tickle their skin, to smell their aroma. The climax can wait; the slow escalation of passion is well worth it.
Slowing down sex allows you to stay grounded in the present moment. This focus can help you form unbreakable bonds with your partner. Ultimately, the goal is to enjoy a fuller sexual relationship, where every kiss is longed for with intensity, where the anticipation of a simple touch can make the hair on your arms stand up. This is the chance to create something incomparable with another person.
How Do You Practice Slow Sex?
The secret is to build trust through touch, to learn to enjoy the simple act of being close to someone, and to experience a deep connectedness.
Concentrate on breath, and try slow, synchronized rhythmic breathing. Listen to both hearts beating. Practice mindfulness and concentrate on the feel of skin-to-skin touch. Enjoy the feel of each other’s naked bodies without escalating things sexually. Whisper loving words into your partner’s ear and maybe nibble gently at their earlobe. Slowly brush your hands across your partner’s body while they communicate where to move your hands and how quickly or gently to touch them. Massage your partner’s back and shoulders using oil or lotion, then move to their arms or legs–then let them tell you where they want to be touched next.
Your goal is simple: to learn the nuances of your partner’s body while they attempt to do the same for yours. You’re bound to learn new things about your partner in the process–their preferences and sensitivities–and it’s possible they’ll be learning these things about themself for the first time.
This is a powerful practice, and it can unlock layers of intimacy and security that few couples ever realize.
Communication is Paramount
If it hasn’t been made clear by now, the key is communication. Both parties must be willing to learn new things and to share secrets about their internal lives that might be uncomfortable.
This knowledge should be treated with care. Don’t use it to tease your partner later or to brag to your friends; these are intimate secrets shared between lovers, and they should stay that way. Treat them as if they are sacred.
And, of course, both parties must consent clearly, check in frequently, and be willing to back down if the other person starts to become uncomfortable. This is the only way it works.
All of these things take effort, but learning communication in the bedroom can extend outward into other facets of the relationship. Nurturing healthy habits will improve the overall fulfillment and gratification of the relationship over time.
Minimize Distractions and Set the Mood
The ultimate goal of slow sex is to maintain an intensity of focus that heightens passion and builds desire. To sustain that focus, you’ll want to minimize distractions and manage the mood of the room.
Make sure your phones are turned off. Turn the lights down low and light some candles. Light some incense, but be careful not to overdo it or to use scents that irritate or overwhelm your senses. If you live on a busy street, make sure the windows are closed. Maybe turn on a soothing white noise machine, or some soft, subtle music.
Your goal is to make the outside world disappear so you can let the passion and intimacy engulf you and your lover.
Intensification Is Okay, but Don’t Move Too Quickly
Slow sex doesn’t need to stagnate. It’s helpful to think of slow sex as a gradual incline as opposed to a flat plane. You are allowed to let things intensify, to move toward mutual orgasms; you’re just doing it slowly.
Be deliberate about escalation. Don’t take things to the next level without consulting your partner and agreeing to intensify. In some cases, one partner might want to hold back while the other desperately wants to escalate. This can be a good exercise in understanding your partner’s needs and exploring the art of compromise.
Remember to be caring, gentle, and kind. This is not a power struggle; it’s a practice of sharing, of mutual learning, and of truly listening.
Be Patient and Embrace the Learning Experience
Every couple is different. For some people, slow sex comes naturally; for others, there is a learning curve. If you find it difficult the first time, that’s okay. You can try again later, perhaps with adjustments to your methodology. The beauty is that you and your partner get to set the terms. There is no singular way to practice slow sex; find the things that work for you and embrace them, and feel free to discard the things that don’t seem to produce good results.
There are no overnight solutions, and that’s not a bad thing. In fact, this can lead to having more sex and better sex. Just like the sex itself, allow the learning process to take time.
Slow Sex Tips and Tricks
Slow sex is multifaceted, and it can be combined with numerous other pleasurable techniques. Here are a few things to try if you’re looking to spice things up:
Maintaining Eye Contact
Stare into each other’s eyes for as long as you can during intercourse. If you’re not used to this level of intense eye contact, you’ll reach a point where you both feel uncomfortable. Try to push past that, because once the discomfort fades, you’ll find yourself falling into the universe that exists within your lover’s eyes. And that universe is where true intimacy lives.
Non-Penetrative Sex
Perhaps it goes without saying that not all sex is penetrative. Slow sex is your blank canvas for experimenting with non-penetrative sexual acts, like dry humping. Practice with your fingers or even your tongue. Play with mutual masturbation, perhaps with your partner slowly talking you through the act. There are plenty of ways of getting creative with sex to prolong the experience; these are just a few of them.
Roleplay
Speaking of getting creative, don’t underestimate the power of a good roleplay scenario. Take time developing characters and letting your imagination run wild. Spend time thinking about costumes and developing an outline–and even a backstory–for your session. Give your scenario some breathing room and let it develop slowly and naturally. Allow yourself–and your partner–freedom to experiment with things that seem a little bit silly or off-the-wall. You may find yourself discovering new kinks that you never thought you’d enjoy.
Multiple Orgasms
If you are a person who can experience multiple orgasms in a row, slow sex can be the key to unimaginable pleasures, each orgasm intensifying over the previous one. Of course, don’t force things if it doesn’t feel good, and always know when enough is enough.
Conclusion
Slow sex is all about savoring every second. It’s about focusing on a partner without distractions. It’s about staying relaxed and letting the present moment stretch off to infinity. Your bodies and minds can intertwine for unprecedented intimacy. Connect and let things happen as they go along, even if hours go by without an orgasm.
Not only does this mindset improve the quality of your sex, but it can also enrich your life outside of the bedroom. You will learn to trust each other so completely that relationship stressors begin to feel small and insignificant.
In short, slow sex can be the beginning of a more stable, more trusting, healthier and happier relationship. So what’s the rush?
